When your happiness makes someone else feel sad/jealous

We've all been there at some point......an experience someone else is going through makes us feel envious, or makes us feel we wish it was us. Then we snap out of ourselves and go back to being good, supportive friends who are thrilled this brilliant thing is happening to our mates.

I've know my oldest friend for 22 years and there's rarely a day we don't text one another, even though we can go years without seeing each other. She has one child, and has been trying for another for about 2-3 years. She knows I could've died after my ectopic pregnancy, and when I told her I thought I might be pregnant, I was expecting her to be happy for me despite her own struggles as she knows how much of a toll trying to be a mum has taken on me.

Nope, didn't seem so.

I must say that before anyone thinks I should've been a bit more considerate about her feelings, I've been there through every up and down for her. I knew she was pregnant before she did and told her to have a test, which of course was positive. I also knew the baby would be a girl, and it was....I'm a bit of a witch with my predictions coming true. Her daughter is gorgeous and I love her to bits. She sang happy birthday down the phone to me last year, which was wonderful. I've been at the end of the phone for dozens of phone calls and thousands of texts as she's raved enthusiastically about the minutiae of her child's life.

When I said I thought I might be pregnant, she said "At least you can get pregnant."

Ow, that stings. I can get pregnant, but so far have a 2 for 2 strike rate of losing the damn thing - and last time I almost lost my life.

Now I feel like if I am pregnant, she won't share in my joy with me. That sucks.

I know some of the people reading this have been through/are going through struggles to conceive and I feel for every one of you, I really do, because for so many of us trying to conceive, being pregnant, having the pregnancy grow in the right place, going full term or giving birth to a live baby is a thing we've yet to experience. The more I hear about everyone's struggles, the more I believe the whole process of conception and childbirth is a miracle. Having sex is the easiest bit about it, the rest seems to rely far more on luck than biology.

If I am pregnant, that's just the beginning for me. There will be blood testing at the docs every 2 days, early scans, and shit loads of worry that I'll ever be able to carry a child to term. On top of that, I have my age and weight against me. Nothing about this is easy for me, and for someone to feel jealous of me seems ridiculous, especially taking into consideration just 3 months ago I was in a hospital bed having had a part of me removed to save my life. I'm in no position for someone to be jealous of me.

Having someone feel shit because of something that may be happening to me makes me feel terrible. Perhaps in hindsight I should've held off telling her until I am certain, but I mistakenly thought she'd be there for me like I've been there for her.