For any of you not aware, I lost my baby and almost lost my life on Thursday. I'm not going to go into a blow by blow account in this blog, but I will at a later date.
Long story short, I had an ectopic pregnancy. The hospital had already decided to admit me and operate (after about 12 hours of waiting around) when my fallopian tube burst and I was rushed into emergency surgery. I lost 3 litres of blood and came so close to death.
It's 4am and I've had maybe half an hours sleep. Trying to maintain comfort when your abdominal wall has been sliced through is a joke. Trying to sit up in bed, I resemble a dying fish in a bucket, flailing this way and that trying - and failing - to find a way of sitting up where it feels like my innards are NOT being scooped out with a meat hook. I have to sit bolt upright in bed or else my throat - red raw from being intubated - gives me hell and I cough endlessly, hurting my poor tummy even more. I'm currently sliding down the bed, making staying upright a battle of head and neck muscles digging into metal bedframe to try to keep me up, a stupid task but as attempting to sit up straighter or reach for something leaves me utterly spent for ages, you can see why I keep up this ridiculous pantomime. I begin to slide down the bed after approximately 10 minutes in bed and only have the strength to try to sit up about once an hour, so for the majority of the time I'm in DEEP discomfort.
My skin is so stretched full of fluid that tears and weals are appearing which leak fluid. I have them all over my back and on my bum.
I'm so fucking hot all the time. This ward is hotter than Hades. I can't even wash downstairs myself as I'm sewn up so tight I feel like I'm 3 inches shorter & my arms no longer reach. I had to get my mum to wash my front and back clefts (hehe, love that word!) today.
All in all I'm THOROUGHLY fucking miserable and can't wait to feel better. I'm sure once I feel less like microwaved death I'll start to mourn the loss of baby.
James is distraught at nearly losing me, as are all my family. I heard my dad was going to give up smoking so I could spend more pregnant time with him. It's little things like that which remind me we've ALL lost something wonderful.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
A good day! Dentists & midwife
Today has been a good day.
I haven't felt tired today. Today is a sickie feeling day instead. I seem to get one or the other, which is a lot better than both at once.
I was due to have a tooth out today but the dentist decided to clean it up a bit and put a temporary filler in instead. That suited me as I wasn't too keen on having the tooth out now I know I'm pregnant. I was also booked in for a air polish and now sport super sparkly clean teeth.
Not having my tooth out left we with some spare time so I headed off to the doctors over an hour early (I would've been early anyway) and got seen early, which was nice.
The midwife was nice. I'd been dreading a lecture over my weight, but the midwife didn't say anything about it. I grabbed the bull by the horns and said "Obviously I have a big problem with my weight, and I want to minimise the damage." She said she doesn't recommend trying to diet (or maintain) during pregnancy and just to be sensible. Lots of lean meat, plenty of fruit and veg, enough calcium for baby and a small amount of carbs.
She gave me some literature to read about the scans and tests for Downs Syndrome and said she'll be in contact about the scan, which will be with her.
All in all it was much better than I expected! I've been very happy since :)
I haven't felt tired today. Today is a sickie feeling day instead. I seem to get one or the other, which is a lot better than both at once.
I was due to have a tooth out today but the dentist decided to clean it up a bit and put a temporary filler in instead. That suited me as I wasn't too keen on having the tooth out now I know I'm pregnant. I was also booked in for a air polish and now sport super sparkly clean teeth.
Not having my tooth out left we with some spare time so I headed off to the doctors over an hour early (I would've been early anyway) and got seen early, which was nice.
The midwife was nice. I'd been dreading a lecture over my weight, but the midwife didn't say anything about it. I grabbed the bull by the horns and said "Obviously I have a big problem with my weight, and I want to minimise the damage." She said she doesn't recommend trying to diet (or maintain) during pregnancy and just to be sensible. Lots of lean meat, plenty of fruit and veg, enough calcium for baby and a small amount of carbs.
She gave me some literature to read about the scans and tests for Downs Syndrome and said she'll be in contact about the scan, which will be with her.
All in all it was much better than I expected! I've been very happy since :)
I think this baby might be an only child ;)
My quality of sleep as I knew it has gone.
Last night I went for a pee 5 times in the night. My boobs always hurt. I'm always hot. I can't get comfortable in bed no matter how hard I try. I kept having to blow snot out of my orifices and I only had a decent sleep between 7 am and 11 am when James had gone to work and I could use the whole bed to flail around in to try to get comfortable. I went to bed at 1am so that's 6 hours of tossing and turning, getting up for a pee then trying to get comfortable after, with the occasional lucky snooze in the middle. I can't even get comfortable on my sofa any more, and that used to feel like a big leather hug.
And I know it only gets worse! Hahaha. I think my body is trying to get me used to the sleep deprivation of late pregnancy and new motherhood.
Despite all this moaning, I still want this baby. I'm just saying how it is. I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I didn't realise it'd be so hard right from the beginning.
Today I have the dentists at 2, then the midwife at 4.15. Wish me luck!
Last night I went for a pee 5 times in the night. My boobs always hurt. I'm always hot. I can't get comfortable in bed no matter how hard I try. I kept having to blow snot out of my orifices and I only had a decent sleep between 7 am and 11 am when James had gone to work and I could use the whole bed to flail around in to try to get comfortable. I went to bed at 1am so that's 6 hours of tossing and turning, getting up for a pee then trying to get comfortable after, with the occasional lucky snooze in the middle. I can't even get comfortable on my sofa any more, and that used to feel like a big leather hug.
And I know it only gets worse! Hahaha. I think my body is trying to get me used to the sleep deprivation of late pregnancy and new motherhood.
Despite all this moaning, I still want this baby. I'm just saying how it is. I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I didn't realise it'd be so hard right from the beginning.
Today I have the dentists at 2, then the midwife at 4.15. Wish me luck!
Monday, January 10, 2011
How the f*ck am I going to cope in heavy pregnancy?
I can't sleep.
Every time I lay down I can feel snot rising up my throat choking me. My throat is so sore (quite possibly from clearing it every 10 seconds) that it feels like I've gargled with razor blades. My tits feel like monkeys have been using them as a play park for the last week. They are so sore. I'm going to have to start wearing a bra in bed as every time I turn over I feel like sandpaper is being rubbed over my nipples. You could fry eggs on my tits, they're that hot, and my nipples would sizzle if I licked my fingers, I swear!! :) It's all part of the rich tapestry of pregnancy :D
I've been laying in bed trying (and failing) to get comfortable for 2 hours and have given up. There's only so much staring at the ceiling I can do. It's not like I can read in bed with James next to me. I can't even have the hall light on to navigate my way to the bedroom when I go to bed. His eyes are so sensitive to light we can't even use a night light to light the hall, even that piddly amount of light will wake him up. So if I'm really restless, there's no point staying in bed slowly going insane with boredom.
I have to wonder how the hell I'm going to cope with later pregnancy when I'm the size of a house and my tits are like the Hindenburgh in duplicate. I can only hope our new bed is more comfortable than the mattress on the floor we've been sleeping on for the last 8 months. Our old bed was SO uncomfortable (and bent up in the process of moving) that James could never face putting the bloody thing together again.
Our new bed comes on Friday and I hope (pray) it's comfortable.
I'm sipping a honey and lemon drink and hoping I feel better soon. If I don't feel sleepy soon I may have to bash myself over the head with the nearest heavy thing, which appears to be a box of Quality Street. What a way to go - death by chocolate!
At least my sense of humour is still functioning - it may be the only bit that is :)
Every time I lay down I can feel snot rising up my throat choking me. My throat is so sore (quite possibly from clearing it every 10 seconds) that it feels like I've gargled with razor blades. My tits feel like monkeys have been using them as a play park for the last week. They are so sore. I'm going to have to start wearing a bra in bed as every time I turn over I feel like sandpaper is being rubbed over my nipples. You could fry eggs on my tits, they're that hot, and my nipples would sizzle if I licked my fingers, I swear!! :) It's all part of the rich tapestry of pregnancy :D
I've been laying in bed trying (and failing) to get comfortable for 2 hours and have given up. There's only so much staring at the ceiling I can do. It's not like I can read in bed with James next to me. I can't even have the hall light on to navigate my way to the bedroom when I go to bed. His eyes are so sensitive to light we can't even use a night light to light the hall, even that piddly amount of light will wake him up. So if I'm really restless, there's no point staying in bed slowly going insane with boredom.
I have to wonder how the hell I'm going to cope with later pregnancy when I'm the size of a house and my tits are like the Hindenburgh in duplicate. I can only hope our new bed is more comfortable than the mattress on the floor we've been sleeping on for the last 8 months. Our old bed was SO uncomfortable (and bent up in the process of moving) that James could never face putting the bloody thing together again.
Our new bed comes on Friday and I hope (pray) it's comfortable.
I'm sipping a honey and lemon drink and hoping I feel better soon. If I don't feel sleepy soon I may have to bash myself over the head with the nearest heavy thing, which appears to be a box of Quality Street. What a way to go - death by chocolate!
At least my sense of humour is still functioning - it may be the only bit that is :)
Sunday, January 9, 2011
I'm an afterthought
I hope James doesn't see this.
I'm really glad my side of the family is stoked about my pregnancy, because James's side don't really seem to give a toss. He just spoke to his mum on the phone for about 20 minutes. She asked him no end of questions about how he's doing, how his work is yadda yadda yadda ad infinitum and I thought she was going to get all the way through the call without mentioning me and the baby at all.
Almost.
Right at the end she asked how I was feeling, almost disinterestedly. I don't know if she was even listening to the reply. James wants to go there next weekend and it's going to be a strange contrast from being with my family recently who were all as pleased as punch and dead excited, to a couple who live and die in their own bubble of two.
I know different people think differently - and of course I'm going to be more excited than other people because I'm the person carrying this child - I just don't want to think that one lot of the child's grandparents couldn't give a fuck.
Maybe it's just my hormones.
I'm really glad my side of the family is stoked about my pregnancy, because James's side don't really seem to give a toss. He just spoke to his mum on the phone for about 20 minutes. She asked him no end of questions about how he's doing, how his work is yadda yadda yadda ad infinitum and I thought she was going to get all the way through the call without mentioning me and the baby at all.
Almost.
Right at the end she asked how I was feeling, almost disinterestedly. I don't know if she was even listening to the reply. James wants to go there next weekend and it's going to be a strange contrast from being with my family recently who were all as pleased as punch and dead excited, to a couple who live and die in their own bubble of two.
I know different people think differently - and of course I'm going to be more excited than other people because I'm the person carrying this child - I just don't want to think that one lot of the child's grandparents couldn't give a fuck.
Maybe it's just my hormones.
Yo Yo Emotions
Friday was a really awful day for me, the worst since I've been pregnant. I was just so tired and down.
Yesterday was a better day. I felt less tired and I had my hair cut, which always perks me up.
I have some kind of mild cold, with a very sore throat, headache and silly dry cough. Despite that, I feel much better in spirit than I did on Friday. I seem to have arrived at the weepy stage. Everything sets me off. I can have a good old cry and feel fine moments afterwards.
It was nice to put some make up on yesterday and look nice as my skin is grey and horrible. I look forward to the 'glowing' middle trimester. I also can't wait to get past the superstitious 12 week mark so we can start buying things ready for baby.
It's only 2 days until my first midwife appointment. Scared and excited!
Friday, January 7, 2011
:(
I'm not having a good day today. I'm just so tired. I was too tired to move my lips to sing earlier. When I realised this I had a good sob.
I know baby's doing great, the hormones just got the better of me. I felt better once I'd got it out.
I hardly ever look forward to going to bed but I can't wait to get to bed tonight 1. because I'm tired and 2. because I'm bored shitless.
I bought a swimming costume online today from Bon Prix who do cheap clothes and a cheap maternity line too. There's a link to my swimming costume here because I'm too knackered to screen shot and edit.
It's well worth a mention that Bon Prix do a plus size range as well, and many of their 'normal' lines go up to a size 28.
I can't wait for 12 weeks to start feeling human again! I've only known I'm pregnant for 10 days and it feels like a lifetime, hehe!
Thursday, January 6, 2011
The darker pink line I was waiting for
My first few tests had a very faint line on them. I knew I was doing OK with the pregnancy because of the sickness and tiredness, but I just wanted to see a darker line for my own reassurance.
Yay! That's all I wanted to see.
I've got a real fancy for ginger ale at the moment. It must be because I know it'll help the nausea.
A letter to the 'higher power' and to the unborn baby, and some facts about week 6
Dear Higher Power (insert deity as preferred: God, Goddess, Allah, Mohammed, Mother Earth, Flying Spaghetti Monster, etc etc)
I feel a sense of calm about the baby and am enjoying making plans for the future, but there's a niggling little voice in my head telling me that every time I've ever dared to hope - that soaring hope that flies like a balloon in the wind - it all comes crashing down around my ears. Please let the little voice be wrong. I don't mind the nausea because I know then that baby bean is OK. I don't mind what happens to me as long as the baby is OK.
I've gone off a lot of junk I used to eat before, particularly crisps. I loved crisps, but I've only eaten one bag since I found out I was pregnant. I'm not driven to eat chocolate to excess either. It's like a switch has gone off in my head now I know I'm going to be a mum. I've been going for a walk every day too. I never thought I could lose weight before, but I know I can do it now. I never felt that I mattered much before, and have always put everything and everyone else before me. When I saw a hypnotherapist briefly, she quickly tuned into how I put myself last. I've been doing it so long I don't even know I'm doing it. My mum and dad split up when I was a very small kid, so I felt protective towards my mum, and I always felt protective towards my younger brother too. I've always had this overbearing sense of responsibility with regards other people, yet have always left myself out of this equation somehow.
Finally for the first time in my life I feel like I matter enough to take care of myself. I feel like the baby is going to be my new start. It'll give me a new purpose.
To my little bean: You may be about the size of a grain of rice now, but I love you so much. I can't wait to have a bump so I can cradle you. I can't wait to see you little face in a scan. I wonder who you'll look like, me or James, or a mix of both? I wonder if you'll be a firebrand like me, or more of a closed book like James?
From Askbaby.com about this stage of pregnancy:
You
You may or may not be feeling too different, however you will probably be feeling tired and maybe irritable. You may notice your breasts are bigger and tender. The hormones flooding the body to help your baby grow may mean you may begin to feel sick in the morning, though many women have 'morning sickness' during the day. You may also wee more often as your womb swells and put pressure on your bladder. Avoid certain foods like raw or undercooked meat, soft cheeses or raw or runny eggs as these may contain bugs that could harm your baby. Irritable, moi?! Hahaha. My boobs are like missiles ready to be launched. I only have nausea on a day of the week with a Y in it ;)
Your baby
This week facial features are now beginning to appear. Folds on either side of the head mark your baby's ears and there are openings for the mouth and nostrils. The retinas of your baby's eyes are also developing. Your baby should measure about the same size as a grain of rice. Your baby's length is measured from the top of your baby's head to the bottom, known as crown-rump length. Your embryo will be visible on an ultrasound scan as a tiny blob, with distinct heart movements. The umbilical cord is now fully formed and so have the beginnings of fingers, toes and facial features. The embryo floats in a fluid-filled sac which contains all that is needed whilst the placenta is formed. Awwww!
AMAZING!
I'm 6 weeks on Saturday.
I feel a sense of calm about the baby and am enjoying making plans for the future, but there's a niggling little voice in my head telling me that every time I've ever dared to hope - that soaring hope that flies like a balloon in the wind - it all comes crashing down around my ears. Please let the little voice be wrong. I don't mind the nausea because I know then that baby bean is OK. I don't mind what happens to me as long as the baby is OK.
I've gone off a lot of junk I used to eat before, particularly crisps. I loved crisps, but I've only eaten one bag since I found out I was pregnant. I'm not driven to eat chocolate to excess either. It's like a switch has gone off in my head now I know I'm going to be a mum. I've been going for a walk every day too. I never thought I could lose weight before, but I know I can do it now. I never felt that I mattered much before, and have always put everything and everyone else before me. When I saw a hypnotherapist briefly, she quickly tuned into how I put myself last. I've been doing it so long I don't even know I'm doing it. My mum and dad split up when I was a very small kid, so I felt protective towards my mum, and I always felt protective towards my younger brother too. I've always had this overbearing sense of responsibility with regards other people, yet have always left myself out of this equation somehow.
Finally for the first time in my life I feel like I matter enough to take care of myself. I feel like the baby is going to be my new start. It'll give me a new purpose.
To my little bean: You may be about the size of a grain of rice now, but I love you so much. I can't wait to have a bump so I can cradle you. I can't wait to see you little face in a scan. I wonder who you'll look like, me or James, or a mix of both? I wonder if you'll be a firebrand like me, or more of a closed book like James?
From Askbaby.com about this stage of pregnancy:
You
You may or may not be feeling too different, however you will probably be feeling tired and maybe irritable. You may notice your breasts are bigger and tender. The hormones flooding the body to help your baby grow may mean you may begin to feel sick in the morning, though many women have 'morning sickness' during the day. You may also wee more often as your womb swells and put pressure on your bladder. Avoid certain foods like raw or undercooked meat, soft cheeses or raw or runny eggs as these may contain bugs that could harm your baby. Irritable, moi?! Hahaha. My boobs are like missiles ready to be launched. I only have nausea on a day of the week with a Y in it ;)
Your baby
This week facial features are now beginning to appear. Folds on either side of the head mark your baby's ears and there are openings for the mouth and nostrils. The retinas of your baby's eyes are also developing. Your baby should measure about the same size as a grain of rice. Your baby's length is measured from the top of your baby's head to the bottom, known as crown-rump length. Your embryo will be visible on an ultrasound scan as a tiny blob, with distinct heart movements. The umbilical cord is now fully formed and so have the beginnings of fingers, toes and facial features. The embryo floats in a fluid-filled sac which contains all that is needed whilst the placenta is formed. Awwww!
AMAZING!
I'm 6 weeks on Saturday.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
The pregnancy grumps have arrived
Yesterday was a good day.
I went to the docs in the morning and got an appointment to see the midwife next Tuesday. I came back and parcelled up some orders ready to post, then my friend Emma rang to see if I wanted to go to lunch. She picked me up as I was really tired after the walk to the doctors and back. She brought her daughter Tiegan who's almost 3 (I think). Tiegan wanted to hold my hand the whole time, so I had some good practice for when the baby's older. She dragged me along to chase 'chickens' (pigeons) and had me running through town with her just for the fun of it. We can learn so much from the joy of children.
We also met up with another friend, Lucy, for a coffee before our lunch, and she had a friend with her who has a year old boy. They were eating lunch in a vegan cafe (we were going to a Chinese buffet afterwards, without them) and the little boy smeared food ALL over his face. It was even in his hair. That was the first time I thought "Oh, what have I done?!" I swear there was more food on him than in him. Yuk.
Today I've been grumpy ALL day except when I was out in the rain exploring and taking photos. James has pissed me off no end today. If I'm not picking up the Christmas presents I bought him from the floor where he dumped them over 10 days ago, I'm picking up his dirty clothes off the bedroom floor. Alllllll over the bedroom floor. I sent him a text message before he finished work asking him to get himself some tea on the way home because I was too tired to cook. So of course he never read the text and came home empty handed, then wondered why I had the hump with him. Sacre bleu. Then I turned the tv over for him as he'd said he wanted to watch Stargazing Live with Prof. Brian Cox, and he played Left For Dead with his headphones blaring throughout. He really wanted to see it, obviously. (His monitor faces away from the tv). Someone gimme strength.
I told him today he's going to need to start helping me once I'm heavily pregnant (and beyond). I can't continue to do EVERYTHING around here. He's been lucky to get away with being so lazy for this long. I think I'm going to have to employ lists, because he's the kind of fella who could be neck high in washing up and not have it occur to him that it needs doing. The rubbish could be maggot infested and reeking in the hall and it wouldn't occur to him to take it out. He's in his own little world, and he's even got a name for it - seriously.
He'll come good, I'll whack him into shape. He means well, I know that. I also know he just doesn't think the same way as me. If I'm going out to the postbox, I'll put the rubbish out on the way. If I'm taking my clothes off at the end of the night I put them in the wash basket, not on the floor. I don't like my clothes with a side order of spider. If I use something, I tend to put it back, not leave it in the room I took it to then spend days wondering where it is. I need to make him think like me. Mmmmm.....
I went to the docs in the morning and got an appointment to see the midwife next Tuesday. I came back and parcelled up some orders ready to post, then my friend Emma rang to see if I wanted to go to lunch. She picked me up as I was really tired after the walk to the doctors and back. She brought her daughter Tiegan who's almost 3 (I think). Tiegan wanted to hold my hand the whole time, so I had some good practice for when the baby's older. She dragged me along to chase 'chickens' (pigeons) and had me running through town with her just for the fun of it. We can learn so much from the joy of children.
We also met up with another friend, Lucy, for a coffee before our lunch, and she had a friend with her who has a year old boy. They were eating lunch in a vegan cafe (we were going to a Chinese buffet afterwards, without them) and the little boy smeared food ALL over his face. It was even in his hair. That was the first time I thought "Oh, what have I done?!" I swear there was more food on him than in him. Yuk.
Today I've been grumpy ALL day except when I was out in the rain exploring and taking photos. James has pissed me off no end today. If I'm not picking up the Christmas presents I bought him from the floor where he dumped them over 10 days ago, I'm picking up his dirty clothes off the bedroom floor. Alllllll over the bedroom floor. I sent him a text message before he finished work asking him to get himself some tea on the way home because I was too tired to cook. So of course he never read the text and came home empty handed, then wondered why I had the hump with him. Sacre bleu. Then I turned the tv over for him as he'd said he wanted to watch Stargazing Live with Prof. Brian Cox, and he played Left For Dead with his headphones blaring throughout. He really wanted to see it, obviously. (His monitor faces away from the tv). Someone gimme strength.
I told him today he's going to need to start helping me once I'm heavily pregnant (and beyond). I can't continue to do EVERYTHING around here. He's been lucky to get away with being so lazy for this long. I think I'm going to have to employ lists, because he's the kind of fella who could be neck high in washing up and not have it occur to him that it needs doing. The rubbish could be maggot infested and reeking in the hall and it wouldn't occur to him to take it out. He's in his own little world, and he's even got a name for it - seriously.
He'll come good, I'll whack him into shape. He means well, I know that. I also know he just doesn't think the same way as me. If I'm going out to the postbox, I'll put the rubbish out on the way. If I'm taking my clothes off at the end of the night I put them in the wash basket, not on the floor. I don't like my clothes with a side order of spider. If I use something, I tend to put it back, not leave it in the room I took it to then spend days wondering where it is. I need to make him think like me. Mmmmm.....
Monday, January 3, 2011
A 'GRRRRRR' day
I had a really crap nights' sleep last night. James has hurt his diaphragm and back muscles from sleeping for 2 days at my dad's (my dad's spare bed has 2 mattresses on top of the other and James finds it uncomfortable) and last night he was flailing around like a dying fish all night and moaning as loudly and as frequently as he could. When I'm ill or uncomfortable I'll lay there as still as anything so as not to disturb James but he loves to share when he's having a shitty nights' sleep. When he can't sleep he punches the hell out of the pillows with scant care for my head bouncing off the bloody pillows next to him. I think I'm going to get more than my chance to 'get my own back on him' in heavy pregnancy, except rather than disturb him I'll get up and sleep on the sofa. What is it about men that they have to make everyone else suffer as well when they're pissed off?!
So I woke up feeling like hammered shit.
After pumping James full of max strength ibuprofen we decided to go into town, because I need to ready myself for going swimming to keep in shape for baba.
A day full of fail.
Firstly, you try getting a swimming costume for a plus size person anywhere in January. Hmmmph. Even though we live BY THE BLOODY SEA there were none to be found. Strike #1 for failure.
Strike #2 I was assured Specsavers do prescription swimming goggles. Blank stares all round when I asked. Fuck you universe! I've found somewhere online, all I need to do now is get my prescription from said dullards at Specsavers.
Strike #3 The swimming pool was shut so I couldn't even enquire about swimming classes.
I think the universe is trying to tell me something. Fuck swimming for the next few months, I shall just walk. At least it's free.
The tooth I had out last week means my gum is killing me. I just wish the poxy thing would heal up already instead of throbbing ominously.
Other than the universe conspiring to ensure I do my exercise on dry land for the foreseeable future, I've been feeling nauseous and HOT HOT HOT. It's been coming over me in waves. One minute I'll be fine and the next the sweat is dripping off me. It's about -2 today but I've been in the car with my coat off and the window wide open, while James chinked gently as frozen parts of him fell off.
All the while I feel craptacular at least I know baby is doing well, so that's a relief. Today was a bank holiday so I'll be going to the docs tomorrow AM. Wish me luck that I don't see a grumpy arse GP who pisses all over my parade by moaning at me about my weight.
Hopefully tomorrow will be a cheerier day. I guess it's just events and hormones conspiring to make me feel cruddy today. I'm sure there are going to be many more 'up' days than down days.
So I woke up feeling like hammered shit.
After pumping James full of max strength ibuprofen we decided to go into town, because I need to ready myself for going swimming to keep in shape for baba.
A day full of fail.
Firstly, you try getting a swimming costume for a plus size person anywhere in January. Hmmmph. Even though we live BY THE BLOODY SEA there were none to be found. Strike #1 for failure.
Strike #2 I was assured Specsavers do prescription swimming goggles. Blank stares all round when I asked. Fuck you universe! I've found somewhere online, all I need to do now is get my prescription from said dullards at Specsavers.
Strike #3 The swimming pool was shut so I couldn't even enquire about swimming classes.
I think the universe is trying to tell me something. Fuck swimming for the next few months, I shall just walk. At least it's free.
The tooth I had out last week means my gum is killing me. I just wish the poxy thing would heal up already instead of throbbing ominously.
Other than the universe conspiring to ensure I do my exercise on dry land for the foreseeable future, I've been feeling nauseous and HOT HOT HOT. It's been coming over me in waves. One minute I'll be fine and the next the sweat is dripping off me. It's about -2 today but I've been in the car with my coat off and the window wide open, while James chinked gently as frozen parts of him fell off.
All the while I feel craptacular at least I know baby is doing well, so that's a relief. Today was a bank holiday so I'll be going to the docs tomorrow AM. Wish me luck that I don't see a grumpy arse GP who pisses all over my parade by moaning at me about my weight.
Hopefully tomorrow will be a cheerier day. I guess it's just events and hormones conspiring to make me feel cruddy today. I'm sure there are going to be many more 'up' days than down days.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
After a brief respite the nausea is back
The last couple of nights I've felt quite sick when I've got up to go to the loo in the early hours. I don't mind though, because all the while I'm feeling ill I know I'm still pregnant.
I hadn't accounted for that as well as feeling thrilled to be pregnant, I'd be anxious about STAYING pregnant. If I could, I'd do a test every day, so feeling sick a lot is a great way of letting me know all is well with baby bean. Today I've felt slightly sick on and off all day, but too badly, so it's easy enough to take my mind off it. Eating always helps, so I just have to make sure I'm putting good things in.
My skin and hair is really greasy and I have 4 spots on my chin in the space of 2 inches (grr), but I think after having really dry skin for 3 years my body could probably use a bit of extra lubrication. I keep veering between boiling hot and freezing cold, but overall I feel great.
Whether it's true or not, a mate told me it's bad luck to buy anything before 12 weeks, so I'll be holding off until then, which'll please James greatly.
I hadn't accounted for that as well as feeling thrilled to be pregnant, I'd be anxious about STAYING pregnant. If I could, I'd do a test every day, so feeling sick a lot is a great way of letting me know all is well with baby bean. Today I've felt slightly sick on and off all day, but too badly, so it's easy enough to take my mind off it. Eating always helps, so I just have to make sure I'm putting good things in.
My skin and hair is really greasy and I have 4 spots on my chin in the space of 2 inches (grr), but I think after having really dry skin for 3 years my body could probably use a bit of extra lubrication. I keep veering between boiling hot and freezing cold, but overall I feel great.
Whether it's true or not, a mate told me it's bad luck to buy anything before 12 weeks, so I'll be holding off until then, which'll please James greatly.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Oh P.S.
I'm not ignoring your comments, stupid Blogger won't let me reply at the moment.
Hopefully it'll pull its pants up by tomorrow so I can reply.
Happy New Year!
Hopefully it'll pull its pants up by tomorrow so I can reply.
Happy New Year!
Sleepy!
Today has been a good day.
I only a little nausea in the middle of the night but that soon went. I had quite a bit of energy until about 7.30 tonight when I had to have a nap. I did another test at my mum's today and gave it to her as a souvenir. She said "You've peed on that! Cheers." Hahaha.
I cleaned my dad's kitchen for him today. Hygiene has never been his forte, he's a typical fella in the respect that if something isn't mouldy, it's OK. Talking of mould, he had a plate of penicillin growing on some chips he'd left in the microwave! Nice. I love cleaning so I was pleased to tart the place up a bit while I had the energy.
Another thing I've noticed over the last few days is I'm losing a LOT of hair, but I've been assured it'll come back better than ever before.
Other than being a bit tired I feel in fine fettle, and am bracing myself for the bollocking I'm bound to get at the doctors on Monday for daring to be fat and pregnant.
I only a little nausea in the middle of the night but that soon went. I had quite a bit of energy until about 7.30 tonight when I had to have a nap. I did another test at my mum's today and gave it to her as a souvenir. She said "You've peed on that! Cheers." Hahaha.
I cleaned my dad's kitchen for him today. Hygiene has never been his forte, he's a typical fella in the respect that if something isn't mouldy, it's OK. Talking of mould, he had a plate of penicillin growing on some chips he'd left in the microwave! Nice. I love cleaning so I was pleased to tart the place up a bit while I had the energy.
Another thing I've noticed over the last few days is I'm losing a LOT of hair, but I've been assured it'll come back better than ever before.
Other than being a bit tired I feel in fine fettle, and am bracing myself for the bollocking I'm bound to get at the doctors on Monday for daring to be fat and pregnant.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)