So, here we are

I'm 2 days late now, and not a smidge of red to be seen anywhere. I'm still nauseous, my lower back feels like it's made of glass, and I've started sleeping like the dead. I had over 10 hours sleep last night, a very rare treat indeed. Also, I've been feeling a bit like I'm getting a cold, so I looked at my diary for last year, and sure thang, when I was in the early stages of pregnancy then I started to feel a bit sore throated and weird. I also saw in my diary last time how I got all spotty and greasy of forehead. Check! Spotty chin, lardy forehead.

So today I'm going to test. I *had* told myself I'd wait to see if I was a week late and then test, but if I am prego this bean could be ectopic and I could be in a world of shit before I know it. My first ectopic was when I was 3 weeks pregnant - i.e. a week before my period was due. That's why I had no idea I was pregnant until everything kicked off that time.

All along - since less than a week after we did the deed - I've been convinced I am pregnant. James's doubt and lack of excitement haven't bothered me (and I totally get his lack of excitement, it's self preservation) because it's like there's been a little voice reassuring me all will be well.

Sometime today or perhaps tomorrow morning (for the better capture of hcg in morning pee) I'm going to find out if that voice is true or a trickster.

But what if I'm going mental and imagining the whole thing?! Arrrghhh. Every time I go for a pee I expect to see red. I've done 3 tests now and they're all negative. That's it, no more testing unless I haven't come on in another 5 days, then I'll be a week late.

Must. Be. Strong.

Last time I was 6 days late when I tested and the second line was VERY faint. I guess I was a daft arse for expecting to see anything at 2 days late! I must stop this cycle of hope and despair. Easier said than done when it means the world to me :(