Fuuuuuuuck

I went to bed last night feeling nauseous and woke up this morning bleeding - WTF?!

I *was* going to go to the docs this morning as I would've been 12 days late today, but when I got up at 7am to get ready and went for a wee there was a little brown blood when I wiped. I went back to bed as I thought there's no point going to the doctors now. I had cramping all day yesterday with no bleeding, so at first I wasn't too worried.

When I got up some hours later (I've been sooo tired lately) I expected to see a pad smothered in blood, but there was nothing, but throughout this afternoon the blood has got redder and heavier. Some light bleeding can be expected in early pregnancy, but not this much, surely? So I think that's that. I've got a lot of cramping, more on the side where I have no tube for some stupid reason, but I guess everything is still inflamed from the op.

I have no plans to go to the hospital to find out if I'm having a miscarriage (unless the pain worsens). I think it's best if I never know one way or the other whether I was just late, or have lost a bean, but you all know my suspicions.

I'm sad, fucked off and miserable and I'd bloody well better bleed for a full 5 days so I can put this behind me without any more worry.

Yes, we can try again and yes I can enjoy a cheeky Pimms or two now, but it doesn't stop me being incredibly fucked off. I'll bounce back - what other choice do I have?!