Dear Higher Power (insert deity as preferred: God, Goddess, Allah, Mohammed, Mother Earth, Flying Spaghetti Monster, etc etc)
I feel a sense of calm about the baby and am enjoying making plans for the future, but there's a niggling little voice in my head telling me that every time I've ever dared to hope - that soaring hope that flies like a balloon in the wind - it all comes crashing down around my ears. Please let the little voice be wrong. I don't mind the nausea because I know then that baby bean is OK. I don't mind what happens to me as long as the baby is OK.
I've gone off a lot of junk I used to eat before, particularly crisps. I loved crisps, but I've only eaten one bag since I found out I was pregnant. I'm not driven to eat chocolate to excess either. It's like a switch has gone off in my head now I know I'm going to be a mum. I've been going for a walk every day too. I never thought I could lose weight before, but I know I can do it now. I never felt that I mattered much before, and have always put everything and everyone else before me. When I saw a hypnotherapist briefly, she quickly tuned into how I put myself last. I've been doing it so long I don't even know I'm doing it. My mum and dad split up when I was a very small kid, so I felt protective towards my mum, and I always felt protective towards my younger brother too. I've always had this overbearing sense of responsibility with regards other people, yet have always left myself out of this equation somehow.
Finally for the first time in my life I feel like I matter enough to take care of myself. I feel like the baby is going to be my new start. It'll give me a new purpose.
To my little bean: You may be about the size of a grain of rice now, but I love you so much. I can't wait to have a bump so I can cradle you. I can't wait to see you little face in a scan. I wonder who you'll look like, me or James, or a mix of both? I wonder if you'll be a firebrand like me, or more of a closed book like James?
From Askbaby.com about this stage of pregnancy:
You
You may or may not be feeling too different, however you will probably be feeling tired and maybe irritable. You may notice your breasts are bigger and tender. The hormones flooding the body to help your baby grow may mean you may begin to feel sick in the morning, though many women have 'morning sickness' during the day. You may also wee more often as your womb swells and put pressure on your bladder. Avoid certain foods like raw or undercooked meat, soft cheeses or raw or runny eggs as these may contain bugs that could harm your baby. Irritable, moi?! Hahaha. My boobs are like missiles ready to be launched. I only have nausea on a day of the week with a Y in it ;)
Your baby
This week facial features are now beginning to appear. Folds on either side of the head mark your baby's ears and there are openings for the mouth and nostrils. The retinas of your baby's eyes are also developing. Your baby should measure about the same size as a grain of rice. Your baby's length is measured from the top of your baby's head to the bottom, known as crown-rump length. Your embryo will be visible on an ultrasound scan as a tiny blob, with distinct heart movements. The umbilical cord is now fully formed and so have the beginnings of fingers, toes and facial features. The embryo floats in a fluid-filled sac which contains all that is needed whilst the placenta is formed. Awwww!
AMAZING!
I'm 6 weeks on Saturday.
Awwwwwwwwwww!! I'm gonna love reading this blog methinks lol you do make me laff sometimes!!! xXx
ReplyDeleteLeah,
ReplyDeleteI am really looking forward to following your journey online. I am not able to have children myself and love to hear of others experiences. Of course I still feel as though I have been cheated of the experience but I can always adopt.
I look forward to your year of photos. I may borrow the idea myself next year. I am soon going to be taking photography lessons so it will be a way to practice.
Wishing you all the best.
Take care,
Heather
Dear darling friend:). This brought a tear to my eye. I´ll be with you here on your blog every step of the way!
ReplyDeleteNow a word of advice for you and this is very important, because I know you will do everything to take care of your little ray of sunshine growing inside of you.
What you are doing is great, you should avoid junkfood, eat healthy and exorcise. But I have to stress on this very important fact. YOU SHOULD NOT try to loose weight whilst pregnant, it can be very dangerous for the baby as there is toxins in your fatcells that when relised (by dieting) can acctually poison the baby! This is a fact honey, and I tell you because I care so much about you.
However you should as I mentioned before try and not gain weigt either (exept the amount for the baby and the water weight). To stop eating junk is only good, so you are doing everything right there,as with the exorcise but you must eat proper meals regularly until you are full, no more no less. You might loose weight anyway as many lage women do when they expect a baby but NO dieting. I know this from all the docs I´ve seen regarding the IVF. That is why they want me to loose weigth before I become pregnant, cause I can´t diet when I am.
You can diet after the baby is born hon.
I might have missunderstood you, and you might not even have thought about being on a diet now and if that´s the case I appologize for nagging and telling you what you perhaps already know, but I just want to make sure. And only because I care so much about you, your baby and James.
This baby is going to have the best, most talanted mum and dad in the world. I envy you but at the same time I couldn´t be happier for if anyone deserves to be a mum it is you!!
Lots of love from "Gudmor" Marina
That's me Kelly, I'll be funny even when I'm about to drop dead. When I had a metal bolt go through my kneecap in 1995 the ambulance people totally misunderstood the level of my pain as I was laughing and joking with them. I'm very rarely completely serious.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear that Heather. I didn't know whether or not we'd conceive and adoption was always in the back of my mind as women need a baby to love and there are many children out there who need to be loved. The greatest aspect of parenting isn't the biological part, but the love which comes afterwards, be a child biologically yours or adopted. I wish you luck in this, if it's the road you go down, and the 365 of photos for next year.
Marina, I've heard of other people's widwives recommending they go to Slimming World Or Weight Watchers because they have special 'maintaining' plans for pregnant ladies. Slimming World is NOT a diet by any stretch of the imagination even for normal women, but their guidelines for pregnant women are different anyway. See here: http://www.slimmingworld.com/health/policies-practices/pregnant-members.aspx To do SW (non pregnant) I'd need to eat about 3 times the amount of food I do now. You lose weight/maintain on it by eating so many 'free foods' such as fruit and veg, that your metabolism kicks into a higher gear to digest it all. There's no starvation at all, as I say I will have to eat WAY more than I do now, and the emphasis is on healthy eating and MAINTAINING rather than trying to lose 5 stones in the next 8 months. That would be ridiculous.
I don't want to lose heaps of weight, rather I want to keep any weight gain I have with baby to an even keel i.e. maintain my weight (give or take a few pounds) in the first 6 months (approx) whilst eating loads of healthy food, and in the latter stages where I'm bound to need to put on baby weight, to make sure I'm ONLY putting on baby weight and water. I don't own a set of scales, and if I don't start going somewhere where I'm weighed weekly, I'm going to have no idea whether I'm packing on pounds or not.
I know you only say it as you care. I plan on attacking the weight after baby is born by breastfeeding (if I can) and long walks with baby in the pram. I just don't want to end up giving into cravings and letting myself go completely during pregnancy. That is why I want to go to SW, so I can make sure I maintain my weight and keep an eye on it while cramming myself full of goodness for baby.
Gudmor Marina has a nice ring to it :)
Lovely blog :o) I too look forward to following your journey into motherhood. I'll enjoy it all the more as I feel I kind of missed out on the excitement for quite a few months of mine with the hyperemesis, so being able to share in your exictement and journey is like being able to do it all again :o)
ReplyDeleteI completely connect with your feeling of wanting to do whats best for your bean and the sudden knowledge you CAN do whatever you need to. Things that before seemed massive or important, now are nothing compared to the love you already feel for your new life and your determination to be the best mum you can be :o)
You have such a fantastic godmum in Marina. Its lovely to see how much she cares for you all and how knowledgable she is.
Ive got everything crossed for a beautiful journey for you into motherhood :o)
I thougt I might have missunderstood you hon, I just wanted to make sure:).. The reason is probably that we don´t have Slimming world here and Weight watchers in Sweden doesn´t allow pregnant ladys. All dietplans for overweight mothers are set up induvidually, for free by your doctor and midwife here.
ReplyDeleteI think you are doing a fantastic job already by planning ahead and I´m so excited to follow every step of you jorney.
I think I´ve gone into some sort of "sympathy pregnancy" myself as it is drawing closer to my IVF *lol*. God help me when they start giving me hormones! Poor P!!
And thank you Lisa for your kind words!
Lots of love!!
Awww Lis, I'm glad you can relive some of the excitement you missed out with Isaac because you were so ill. I feel really lucky to have found out I was pregnant so early on and can experience all the stuff and know why it's happening.
ReplyDeleteOne of my friends didn't find out she was pregnant until she was 5 months pregnant, and she got really bad pre-eclampsia so she had to have an emergency caesarian at about 7 1/2 months. She only got to know she was pregnant for about 2 1/2 months and I'm glad I get to experience it all, good and bad.
I'm very lucky to have Nurse Marina looking after me! I know she'll make an excellent mummy too :)
Hehe Marina, I pity Peter when the hormones come :) The day I was due to come on I had the worst mood EVER! I told James I hated him. He thought it was due on mood and so did I! I have been really irritable a couple of times, but there have been times when I've been extra sunny too. It's all up and down.
I still remember Lisa telling me I might get a different Christmas present to the one I was expecting (my period) because I had felt so sick all the time. I never imagined she would be right! :O) I'm very happy she was though.
It's OK Marina, no misunderstanding, I may have come over all wrong, as I can't think straight at the moment. My brain aches! I don't know if doctors and midwives do individual diet plans, but because our healthcare seems to be generally less good than yours, I guess they just refer you to the dietitian at the doctors surgery. I'd sooner do something out of my own initiative than be referred, so my Slimming World leader is sending me a letter the midwife has to sign to give her approval.
I think James is in sympathy pregnancy too, he's extra tired and aches everywhere. I hope he doesn't lactate later on!!! :D
Any idea when you start IVF?